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 Had to share this...

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1angryperson



Posts : 2
Join date : 2008-05-07

PostSubject: Had to share this...   Tue May 27, 2008 11:49 am

saw it on a different site and it just cracked me up!!! I know how you feel!!!




"I have no idea who you are. I do not know if youíre male, female, young, old, black, white, straight, gay, ambidextrous, or a midget. What I do know is this: You are almost certainly obese and have at least one wooden leg.

It is likely that I am completely off in my speculation, but at least hear me out. I do have some evidence that would warrant such claims.

First of all, if you arenít a manatee with at least one wooden appendage, I must assume then, that you do indeed have your feet blocked in cement. At the very least, you have a horrible case of elephantitis of the lower body causing your feet to stomp and drag and cause a great amount of disturbance. Now Iíve lived in apartments before, some being quite rowdy seeing as I did attend college for five years. Despite this, you my heavy hooved friend, are one of a kind.

At first I thought it might be sex. You know, the old headboard pounding the wall. I would be impressed if that were the case, but I doubt that. The noise moves when you move, so it canít be the headboard. If it were, then I would REALLY be impressed. Hell, you even knocked the light fixture off of the ceiling in my foyer after some intense peg-leg floor pounding. I was picking glass out of my feet for a few weeks after that! Not bad for what could potentially be some afternoon delight.

The reason I donít believe you are getting laid is because the noise occurs quite literally at ALL hours of the day. 4AM? You bet. 4PM? Sure shit. 1AM? Of course. 2:47PM? Why not? If I were able to link the noise to a certain time pattern or a certain location, I could be more certain it might be sex, say on a bed with wheels that moves freely about your place with each thrust. (As I type this now, youíre making some pretty loud bumps and booms). Maybe you are just a really aggressive masturbator? Lastly, I havenít seen a single couple enter this building to confirm that fact that someone might be getting laid.

Iíve tried to describe the noise you create to many people saying ďIt quite literally sounds like an overweight pirate with one peg leg pacing back and forthĒ only to get strange looks in returnÖas you can imagine. Skeptical as they may be, their hesitations in believing my claims were put to rest as soon as they visited my apartment. One by one my friends, as well as some family, visited my place all to confirm the noises I reported were indeed, real.

Each of them spent a few minutes speculating about what the noise could potentially be. Honestly, the only thing we have all deduced is that you arenít having sex. This is undoubtedly, an unfortunate conclusion on your part.

Perhaps you are trying to teach yourself how to walk with stilts and you are trying to master the art one leg at a time before attempting both stilts at once. Maybe youíre practicing for the Olympics in Chicago in 2016 and have set up some uneven bars and are trying desperately to stick the landing. Whatever youíre doing, could you please ease up? I do not enjoy replacing all of my picture frames that have either fallen off my walls or from my shelves. Nor do I enjoy being awaken at all hours of the night only to have to wonder what it is youíre really doing up there, whether they be innocent or slightly sexually deviant. My alarm goes off before 6AM due to having one of those job things so a good nights sleep is important. Thanks in advance and if you really are an obese pirate, please donít break into my apartment and steal my bootyÖor my food. "
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sillynut



Posts : 22
Join date : 2008-01-20
Location : Florida

PostSubject: Heavy walkers   Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:01 pm

The loud walking across the floor bothers me the most. Boom! Boom! Boom! bounce Some people simply walk on their heels and it sounds like they are pounding their feet. Maybe if they tried putting more weight on the balls of their feet it wouldn't sound so loud. Call it heavy walkers or a habit or they don't care about the downstairs neighbor. Heavy walkers should live downstairs and people that simply don't care should live out in the country away from everyone.
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PostSubject: Re: Had to share this...   Thu Nov 18, 2010 11:45 pm


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gooberpeas



Posts : 10
Join date : 2008-07-12

PostSubject: Re: Had to share this...   Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:26 am

Ya know what pisses me off? People that have nothing to share but want to spew their crappy sites. Evil or Very Mad
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